An odd outlook on life

It's been a long time since I posted anything. Just today I came to a full understand about what my outlook on life is. And I find it quite strange. I enjoy it, but I don't think many people really share this look with me.

First of all, I'll share a story that I think is when it all started.
Back in the day when Chris was dating Kim, which was quite some time ago, Chris, Lewis and I were into all sorts of trouble. We used to play with fire, do some minor vandalism, and all in all just doing mischeif that we had so much fun doing. One day we got our hands on a ouija board. It was fairly creepy. The person talking was a spirit named Vali. Which is the name of the son of odin within Greek mythology. (We found it out after we googled it). Upon asking Vali to show us a sign that he was with us, one of Chris' toys, a person in a box that yells and screams cause he's trapped, started going off. Was fairly creepy but there was always co-incidence. Chris took that batteries out and put it in the closest, and when we asked Vali again, the toy went off one more time. Now we were very creeped out. There was no explaination to that. During that time with the ouija board, it told me that I would die when I am 25, and Lewis would die when he's 26, where as Chris would likve until 80 something.

Weither or not that board was telling the truth, It doesn't matter. But that is when it began.

Right now, I look upon life, without goals, without hopes. I never set any goals for myself because if I die, I never want to feel like I didn't get a chance to do something. I don't have hopes because I'd rather have the surprize that something good happened, rather then the let down that something bad happened.
One of the bands I listen to, Blind Guardian, have a line in their greatest song
"At the moment of Death I will smile" and that seems to be the sumation of what my out look on life is. When death comes to collect, I don't think I'll need to fight it. I'm not scared of it anymore.
Just like in the song mad world, most the dreams that I have, are of me dying. But the odd thing is that it's almost never a nightmare. It's just something that happened and everyone would have to deal with.
Currently I live moment to moment with everything I do directed towards happiness cause when I die, the last thing I want people to see is me smiling as I leave.
I don't want to be a huge success. I don't want to be famous, I don't ever want to strive to make lots of money. I just strive to be content.
Sounds even weirder since I'm normally never content being second best. But my thoughts tend to go with the hypocritical pair.
I often have fantasys about being held hostage or held up at gun/knife point. I see movies where the people comply with the guy with the weapon but end up getting killed anyways. If someone I loved was in danger, I would lay down my life for them without question. In my fantasys, if someone told me to lying on the ground or he's gonna shoot me, I picture myself telling him to either shoot me right now or just fuck off. I'd tell whoever was with me to run. And I'd do my best to try and protect them so they can live, where I might not.
I don't think many people come upon this outlook of life until much later. Which is why I think of it as odd.
To anyone reading this, this is not me talking about how I WANT to die. Cause I don't. but it's about how I will embrace death if it does happen to come. So don't think of this as being a cry out for help. This is more of just a way to organize mythoughts so I can understand it better.

An entourage of Quotes

I figured I'd share some of my favorite quotes.

These are all from the Magic the Gathering novels. Probably no one has read them so here are some highlights.

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd have told you what it was"
- Pemmin

"I might almost pity my enimies--if it wasn't so amusing to watch them die."
-Tsabo Tavoc

"So you want to kill my men? Well two can play at that game."
-General Khurzog

I heart Jaya Ballard. Never heard of anyone so obsessed with destruction. But then again she is a pyromancer

"Some have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead."
-Jaya Ballard, task mage

“Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight everything with fire."
-Jaya Ballard, task mage

The Ur-dragon was essentially a dragon "god" but he found himself much too powerful and got bored so split himself into pieces. All in an effort to entertain himself

"Crosis is the eye of the ur-dragon, piercing illusion and darkness."
- Crosis's Attendant

"Darigaaz is the breath of the ur-dragon, burning away the burdens of mortality."
- Darigaaz's Attendant

“Dromar is the wings of the ur-dragon, sweeping away all opposition."
- Dromar's Attendant

"Rith is the claw of the ur-dragon, scattering seeds of devastation."
-Rith's Attendant

"Treva is the voice of the ur-dragon, demanding cries of worship."
- Trava's Attendant

The Five myths of Reality. So great!

"Familiarity, the first myth of reality: What you know the best, you observe the least."
-Mistform Mutant

"Devotion, the second myth of reality: The faithful are most hurt by the objects of their faith."
- Mistform Dreamer

"Conviction, the third myth of reality: Only those who seek the truth can be deceived."
- Mistform Skyreaver

"Fellowship, the fourth myth of reality: As the tides of war shift, so do loyalties. "
-Mistform Wall

"Trust, the fifth myth of reality: Every truth holds the seed of betrayal."
-Mistform Mask

"Ah, a faceshredder. Very rare. Nearly unstoppable. Good luck!"
- Cabal instructor

(Poor Cabal trainee)

Thats about it for now. lol.

Christmas Rant

Why do we Celebrate Christmas? Because everyone is a bunch of fools thats why. If your Christian, by all mean celebrate. But if your not, then think about it. I don't see anyone celebrating hanukkah and they say they don't because they're not Jewish, then why do we celebrate Christmas. Theres also no point to Christmas. There's no solid basis for it and it's full of things that are just horrible. On the surface it might be fine, but it's not.

I've asked people all over why they celebrate Christmas and I only seem to get these reasons. "Because it's a time to spend with family". I respond with BAH! if you have to wait until Christmas to see your family, your not a good family member. If I miss my grandma or I want to see her, I'll just go to Vancouver I wont wait until Christmas. What this does is actually force family to be together, which creates many problems. People don't know how to deal with extra family, so they create these akward situations, or just ignore them and go to a movie or something. When you go to see family, how much time do you actually spend with them. Like going and doing things with them, talking to them. Most people talk a bunch during the first little bit, but then continue their normal rutine, and if they traveled they get bored and sometimes depressed cause they can't do things they enjoy because they are force to be with their family. If you think Christmas is a time for family, why not New Years, or BC Day, or actual holidays.

Think, even Santa was fabricated by the COKE company. How many consumer whores agree that they would tell their kids about Santa? What kind of parent does that. Condoning Lying, asusming that an idea made up by COKE will really make Kids happy. It tends to make kids more and more selfish. I encourage you all, to never tell you kids about Santa unless you follow it with, This is made up but I'm sure the idea will make you happy. Cause think, which of the Following statements would make the kid happier.
"Hey Johnny, Santa (A complete stranger) just gave you a toy firetruck"
or
"Hey Johnny, I got you this toy firetruck cause I know you wanted it and I want to make sure you feel happy and loved"
I'm sure the Johnny would like the second statement better, and it would make a better relationship with the family.

Then there are the people who think "Christmas is a time for gift" and I respond with BAH! That is a load of garbage. It creates again a feel of obligation to get a gift for everyone. How many people feel obligated to buy gifts for your family? I bet thats most of you. I'm sure you all want to, but it's an obligation, if you don't, people will look down on you. Seriously, what is stopped you from giving your family gifts on March 31st? or on (Insert month day) (Insert Day here). If you want you family to feel loved do that instead. I'm sure they will feel much better cause your doing because you only WANT to. If I went into a store and found something that (Insert Name here) would like, I would get it for them and give it to them whenever I felt like it. When something nice is done for you (Like someone fronting for you if you are short or forgot your wallet/purse) something nice should be done back. It's Karma. Good deeds beget good deeds. This whole gift obsession just turns into a competition. Who can spend the most, who can give the best gift. Take a look at some Christmas movies for instance. Jingle all the way was all about the 'best' gift and it was such a negative movie. All in all, people think Christmas is about gifts because they WANT gifts for them selves. hmm, isn't that selfish. WOW I didnt think Christmas was about Selfishness. I guess it is.

Good gifts come from the heart or from all the thought (If you don't have a heart) and shouldn't be from a so called "holiday" Why is it a holiday even? Whats the tree stand for? Does anyone know, cause if you don't then your jsut assuming because someone has said that Christmas is good and tree makes Christmas. Would you do the same if your mom has always told you that it's okay to steal from large companies on the 25th of December cause you need the money more then them. I don't think so. This has become a lie that has got out of control. I've heard just as much say saying that "jesus" was born in July and they lost the records so they made it the 25 of Dec. How many people believe in god? if your don't then why are you celebrating the birthday of his FAKE son.

yeah, thats right I said Fake son. How many magical pregnancies happen? (Bet you answered 0) but a whole ton of them happen. They happen when Wives get pregnant and say they magically got pregnant because tehy don't want to tell their husband that they cheated, or if a young girl gets pregnant and doesn't want to feel like a "whore". Well back in "Jesus" times, "Whores" we not treated well, not at all. So it only makes sense that Mary said that a Spirit enpregnanted her because she didn't want to be treated as a "whore". And then the lie got out of control and then we have Christianity.

Take control of your thoughts. Find an ACTUAL reason why Christmas should be celebrated. If you can't, don't celebrate it. Do something that is actual meaningful to you and your family/friends. This is not a "season to be happy". Forcing people to be nice makes them even more sad later. Think about how many people hav to spend the next few months paying off all their Christmas debts, think about how many people make themselves feel bad because some clever man, pretended he was poor as scamed money of everyone. Just because it's the "Season of Giving".

To be happy, people need to do things for themselves, (Thats just how it is), they could be nice things, but it's still for themselves. Don't believe in something just because someone told you too, look in yourself and figure it out. What do you believe it. I don't believe in Christmas and I'm open to say it.

How many of you are with me? Or how many just want Christmas for Selfish reason? (not the only two options)

Note: Things may appear more angry then I wanted mainly because I had to write this three times and I got frustrated.

The Name Game

Edit: I thought I did but I guess I didn't. This is not my idea, it is Rose's idea. Didn't mean to steal it without mentioning her. Go read her blog for the original.

Names
1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & color of underwear)
Bailey Blue
Sounds like some sort of mixed drink. Thats why I'm a rock star I guess

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Cherry Jubilee Peanut Butter
Tremble form the mere sound of C. J. P. B. I'll just make sure your drug deals go down smooth and your hits arn't sticky

3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)K-Dol
I prefer the K-Dog that comes up on people's call displays when I call them from my house

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:(fav color and fav animal)
Blue Dragon
Much calmer and sane then the so called Red Dragon, but this one will destroy everything with his breathe weapon. To bad that I'd be Choatic Evil. Silly Chromatic dragons why can't you be more metalic

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Nicholas Calgary
I'm going to boast that I named Calgary cause what else is an Soap Opera star going to do. The answer is NOTHING

6. YOUR STAR TREK NAME: (1st 3 letters of last name, first 2 letters of first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name)
Dolkyird
I'm like an ikorid, never fuck with one of those. Even if you kill it it'll just come back and swiftly beat your face in with claws of death.
I've got a longer similar name, so I must be twice as deadly. No negotiating with Dolkyird

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
Red Rye
I'm assuming it's alcoholic drink.
The little brother to Red Rum, he doesn't murder as much but man does he pack a punch. And when he's traveling with others, you don't even notice him. It's like he's invisible or something. And when he's alone he's got super strength. Ahahah

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Ian _____
I don't even know the name of the other grandpa, I jsut used to called him Grandpa and he hasn't been around for the past 12 years or so. I dont think I ever knew it.


9.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father's middle names)
Morgan James
I'm not sure what their middle names are, but boths are non-first names that are in my family so I'm going to guess that. hahah.

10. JEDI NAME (middle name backwards, mom's maiden name backwards)
Salohcin Drial
'nuff said about that. I'm sure he'd kill all the Sith before realizing, "Hey, why don't I just abuse my powers and stealing screwing with everyone". Then following that would be "You want to put on a mask and run around saying a whole ton of words that start with 'V'. And remember you think that the government needs to be overthrown" hahaha, and thats how V for Vendetta got started.

Full Frontal Nerdity

I've decided to create a blog devoted to Nerdiness. You may reach it at http://full-frontal-nerdity.blogspot.com/

To join, you must contact me, but generally it'll be accepted even if your not all THAT nerdy.

And now that schools winding now, I have the time to moderate stuff like that.

And a thanks going out to Amber's friend Tina, thanks for the input for my paper.

Help with Ideas

Well I'm sure a few people at least read my blog every so often. I need some help with a philosophy paper. Not like you'd actually have to do any work, but I just need some ideas to help with.

The Topic is Particular Skepticism of Religion, basically trying to prove that we can not know anything about Religion. If you know something that would help please post. It would make my life much easier, and the easier my life, the more I can post. hahaha. Can't wait until reading break when I don't have to worry about papers or midterms anymore.

Peace all

School and Work

Thats pretty much what I do. I can't wait until december when I will be off school and I don't have to worry about studying.

I'm keeping this short, cause even though I don't really post very much, I don't have to much to write about these days. Mainly because of school and work.

School for anyone who are interest, and for those who are not, is wonderful. I've got A+ on my last two english things, (Each worth 15%) and I've never really gotten higher then a 74% in english ever. I'm also sitting at 85% in Psyc (A-), 97% in Phil (A+), 94% in Calculous (A), 97 % in english (A+), and 96% in Comp Sci (A+).
Look out Dean's list, here I come!